To err is human .....

Who can hurt us more deeply than those with whom we have created bonds of affection ? They, our siblings, our best friends or even our parents are almost part of us. We idealise them and consequently raise our expectations of them. It's natural to want our lover (or loved ones) to understand, appreciate, and make us feel secure by their commitment and constant presence.

Nothing is quite so painful as being betrayed by someone we hold in high regard - a spouse who cheats, a friend who runs us down, the colleague who unfairly takes credit for our contribution.

There's no doubt that abuse between people who have a responsibility to love each other can be counted among the cruellest and most reprehensible of offences.

Forgiveness that doesn't fight injustice, far from being a sign of courage and strength, shows weakness and false tolerance. It encourages the offender to perpetuate the crime. Forgiving is not the same as excusing them from their moral responsibility. How can we even consider forgiving when we are continuously subjected to abused ?

When someone close hurts our physical, moral or spiritual integrity, we feel assaulted, bruised, violated ... the offender's malice touches the most intimate parts of our being. The offence shakes our innermost peace and harmony, shatters our tranquility and threatens our diginity. Our shadow side emerges.

Emotions we thought we had under control suddenly begin to run amok. Our first reaction may be revenge or to build a wall to dull our self against the pain.

It's impossible to go back after we've been wronged. Either we try to make ourselves believe nothing happened, in which we re-establish the relationship in the context of a lie, or we take advantage of the conflict to review the quality of the relationship and renew it on more solid footing. Can we do this if our partner feels no remorse ? What does pardon consist of ? Not making someone pay. Decision made not out of grim determination, but because we want to heal and grow. We choose to believe in the dignity of the person who hurt, oppressed, or betrayed us.

Behind the spiked veil, we see a fragile person ... like ourselves, capable of changing and evolving. That's why I think forgiveness is the rainbow connecting humanity and the Divine, impossible without Spirit.

To free our offender, we must be free ourselves. What do we forgive ourselves for ? For putting ourselves in situations where we let ourselves be hurt, for putting ourselves down by buying into our attacker's insults, for feeling vulnerable and wanting to stay in love.
[Extracted from Sunday People by Tessie Lim dated 28June 2009]

Philip Yancey listed 3 pragmatic reasons to forgive :-

First - Forgiveness halts the cycle of blame and pain, breaking the chain of ungrace.
Second - Forgiveness loosens the stranglehold of guilt in the perpetrator.
Third - Forgiveness creates a remarkable linkage, placing the forgiver on the same side as the parity who did the wrong.

Matthew 6 : 12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.